The Sweeter Sin

Dear God,

I love to walk in thy path and obey thy commandments but my flesh fails me. 

My tongue is a sharp sword that twists ready-made, no grace-processed words and phrases that cut deep into my neighbour’s heart. Who are you talking back to like that? Do you know who the **** I am?

And, the lies! Oh Lord, they flow through me like water in a waterfall. My eyes lust after men I do not know and condemn women I know. Did she really do all those squats? Who’s she flossing for anyways? That’s loan money! 

My mind compares me to others and no matter how hard I try, I never win the battles. I’m never smart enough, beautiful enough, brave enough, ambitious enough or slay enough.

Your word says that I am a heir to your throne with Jesus Christ but why is it that I always want to fit in to feel loved and accepted by my crew?

I love being at the heart and center of anything and everything. I can’t stand it if anyone else has the spotlight. Ah, there goes the green eyed monster with two bull horns building a mansion in my heart.

My ears, Lord, are a dumping site. They are filled with everybody’s dirty laundry and linen that your voice is a mirage to me. The moment my ears register the words “Hit me up! I have a crazy story for you!”, my ears load up another garbage truck.

My feet run to evil, Lord, and I feel joy splashing around in the devil’s deep end. The more danger and evil it is, the more I find it fun to go harder on it. The moment my feet register the words ” Dangerous” “Forbidden”, it is as though a new energy drink is poured into my veins. 

I step into people’s pure intentions and hearts with muddy feet and oh do I love the merge of purity and darkness.

I try to kneel and pray but sleep and movies seduce me. I try to read your word but the new novel I bought just seems so much more interesting.

It is written knock and the door shall be opened to you. Ask and you shall receive. Repent and be converted that your sins may be blotted out when the times of refreshing shall come from the presence of the Lord.

Lord, here I am with all these flaws, scars, luke-warmness to your word and hopelessness desiring your revival and renewal in my life.I will repent. I will seek you earnestly. I promise. 

Will you still have me?

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